HUMOR BLOG: World Cup Soccer's Effects On Other Sports.

I’ve been lying on the couch for a nearly month, watching sport on TV, while the dog eats potato chip crumbs off my chest. Eventually, my wife suggested that I might like to get off my butt and go to work to pay off our faux Tuscan style terrazzo luxury loft apartment (bachelor flat) with optional extra distressed stucco wall effects (rising damp). But I have a better idea. I think there’s still an opportunity to make a few bucks off the event. I’m going to export all those vuvuzelas back to China and tell them it’s a new kind of rhino horn.

After watching so many different sports, I think they could all benefit from a bit of adaptation to be more like soccer. For instance, golf, a game designed to give rich, middle-aged men something to be grumpy about, could be improved if every hole had its own goalkeeper. F1 motor racing may be exciting for the drivers, but we can liven it up for the spectators by splitting the field of cars into two teams. Have them start at opposite ends of the track and drive towards each other.

Cricket is already similar to football in that each team also has eleven players, although unlike cricketers, footballers look awake. What about allowing the bowler free throws while the batting team has to form a soccer style human wall to protect the wickets? And the Tour De France cycling would be so much better if it was limited to a total of ninety minutes. With a couple added on for the Italians to cry. Only the venerable Wimbledon women’s tennis tournament should remain unaltered. Like soccer, I watch it for a glimpse of the Brazilians. And if you think that’s sexist, try getting a coherent response from your wife when she’s watching Ronaldo’s abs. like humor and sport, it would be pointless.